Summer School

Jeebus man… calm down. I’ve had a rough time what with Fake Steve going away, losing my iPhone and basically being a drunk…

Also, I have legitimate answers to the below…

1. Come in to work stumbling-drunk. OK, I didn’t do this one, but I came in stumbling hung-over many times.

2. Make awesomeness happen in the office while I’m out. Dude, the awesomeness was everywhere. All over the windows, definitely on your desk and in the blinds.

3. Get lucky. Yeah, I’m a freaking d-bag…

4. Have a most radical Fourth of July Weekend, possibly get arrested. You’re damn right I’m an American. U-S-A…U-S-A…

5. Insult a complete stranger. I told a street kid outside McDonalds to get a haircut and take a shower. Does that count?

6. Rent The Onion Movie and write a review on the Suite. I saw no reason to write a review of this. It was awesome and everyone should already know that.

7. Find the new cartoon that Seth McFarlen will be producing only on the Web. Unless it’s based on Heavy Metal, I don’t give a frak.

8. Discover a new species of insect in the Pacific Northwest. I hate bugs.

9. Wake up one morning in Mexico, with a snake tattoo on his ass and three empty bottles of Tequila next to him. I don’t think I’m allowed in Mexico anymore… you know S is Fd when you aren’t allowed ina country that brought the world cock fights and donkey shows…

10. Commit at least five Seattle Clichés. Visiting the observation deck at the Needle counts. I’m already way beyond this stuff… I’ve lived here for 3 years now.

11. Say at least one outrageous thing on a conference call. Example, “oh man, I just laughed so hard I pooped a little.” You know I say stuff all the time… gimme the points a- hole.

12. Find a guest blogger to write on the Suite about how this blog has changed their life, or how it has not changed their life at all. Everyone I found that read our blog regularly was either a) too drunk to write b) too busy being awesome to write or c) all of the above.

13. Document all of the above on the Suite. Yeah, yeah, yeah…

I don’t care if I fail… graduation is for quitters.