We I.D. under 45...

Apparently this guy thought he'd make an impression on the GOV by telling Chris Gregoire she couldn't enter Hannah's bar in Olympia.

Let's review...

Now, which one of these Gregoire's looks like they might be underage? I'd say the one in the green dress (That's Michelle. I'd be wrong though, since she just graduated college).

Kudos to the bouncer for standing his ground though.

On a side note.. Michelle... call me. Seriously.

Please Save Us Bill, This is Our Time of Need

Bill, we need you. You quit Microsoft and the whole greater-Seattle area starts to go to shit. I get it, you conquered the IT world, you made billions of dollars, you got arrested once (it's true, look it up), and you teamed up with your wife to cure horrible world problems. But seriously, you need to know what's going on around home. Case in point, yesterday there was a murder-suicide in Redmond, Washington. Redmond, Fucking, Washington!!! Sure, I would have expected this if we were talking Kent, or maybe even Everett, but Redmond? No, Redmond is full of rich Microsofties that eat rainbows and poop butterflies. Please, Bill, come home and right these wrongs. Next thing you know housing prices will drop and the Sonics will come back because they missed the rain.

Attention Mini Cooper Drivers of America: I hate you

Seriously... who drives a Mini?

That is all.

Summer School

Jeebus man… calm down. I’ve had a rough time what with Fake Steve going away, losing my iPhone and basically being a drunk…

Also, I have legitimate answers to the below…

1. Come in to work stumbling-drunk. OK, I didn’t do this one, but I came in stumbling hung-over many times.

2. Make awesomeness happen in the office while I’m out. Dude, the awesomeness was everywhere. All over the windows, definitely on your desk and in the blinds.

3. Get lucky. Yeah, I’m a freaking d-bag…

4. Have a most radical Fourth of July Weekend, possibly get arrested. You’re damn right I’m an American. U-S-A…U-S-A…

5. Insult a complete stranger. I told a street kid outside McDonalds to get a haircut and take a shower. Does that count?

6. Rent The Onion Movie and write a review on the Suite. I saw no reason to write a review of this. It was awesome and everyone should already know that.

7. Find the new cartoon that Seth McFarlen will be producing only on the Web. Unless it’s based on Heavy Metal, I don’t give a frak.

8. Discover a new species of insect in the Pacific Northwest. I hate bugs.

9. Wake up one morning in Mexico, with a snake tattoo on his ass and three empty bottles of Tequila next to him. I don’t think I’m allowed in Mexico anymore… you know S is Fd when you aren’t allowed ina country that brought the world cock fights and donkey shows…

10. Commit at least five Seattle Clichés. Visiting the observation deck at the Needle counts. I’m already way beyond this stuff… I’ve lived here for 3 years now.

11. Say at least one outrageous thing on a conference call. Example, “oh man, I just laughed so hard I pooped a little.” You know I say stuff all the time… gimme the points a- hole.

12. Find a guest blogger to write on the Suite about how this blog has changed their life, or how it has not changed their life at all. Everyone I found that read our blog regularly was either a) too drunk to write b) too busy being awesome to write or c) all of the above.

13. Document all of the above on the Suite. Yeah, yeah, yeah…

I don’t care if I fail… graduation is for quitters.

And now, the obligatory picture you've all been asking for...

Here, have one more.


Aloha.

Dear Mrs. Ronsie,

I'm sorry to have to contact you with this news, but your son is failing. Case-in-point, he has yet to turn in any work on an assignment that was distributed over two weeks ago. Let's review:

1. Come in to work stumbling-drunk. FAIL.

2. Make awesomeness happen in the office while I’m out. WELL, MAYBE, I'M CHECKING WITH SOURCES.

3. Get lucky. SIGNS POINT TO NO.

4. Have a most radical Fourth of July Weekend, possibly get arrested. PASSED, WITH FLYING COLORS, NO PUN INTENDED.

5. Insult a complete stranger. FAIL.

6. Rent The Onion Movie and write a review on the Suite. FAIL.

7. Find the new cartoon that Seth McFarlen will be producing only on the Web. FAIL.

8. Discover a new species of insect in the Pacific Northwest. FAIL.

9. Wake up one morning in Mexico, with a snake tattoo on his ass and three empty bottles of Tequila next to him. FAIL.

10. Commit at least five Seattle Clichés. Visiting the observation deck at the Needle counts. FAIL.

11. Say at least one outrageous thing on a conference call. Example, “oh man, I just laughed so hard I pooped a little.” I'LL JUST GIVE THIS ONE TO HIM.

12. Find a guest blogger to write on the Suite about how this blog has changed their life, or how it has not changed their life at all. FAIL.

13. Document all of the above on the Suite. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.

I wish I had better news, but I don't. Unless he pulls a complete Uee in the next few days, he'll be receiving an F.

Good Day.

She's a Brick(ed) Phone

She's anything but mighty mighty right now, I'll tell you that much.

Yes, I'm a fiend... I came into the office this morning, hooked up my iPhone and started downloadeing the new 2.0 software version. Things were going well, I had an OK download speed. I even made it into setup...

THEN... NETWORK ERROR.

I have a feeling lots of people are seeing this same error:

We could not complete your iTunes Store request. The network connection timed out.

Make sure your network settings are correct and your network connection is active, then try again.

MY network settings? MY network connection? I just got the "it's not me, it's you" from Apple when they are the tards who didn't appropriate enough servers to adequately handle a launch of a new phone and software version on the same day...

All I want is my text messaging back...

I’ll have the seared Ahi, a side of optimism, and the biggest, tallest, stiffest drink you’ve got.

Summer is here! And with it my work has brought a shitload of annoyances. But have no fear, I’m taking a vacation next week. Suck on that!

That’s right, this Suite author will be living in the lap of luxury for the next two weeks on the beautiful island of Kauai. In true B-form, not a single picture of me will be taken without my obligatory mai tai in hand.

In some unrelated notes, I thought I should give you all an update on some recent events:

1. I attended a wedding of some close friends over the weekend. The following shenanigans ensued:

a. With a lisp in my voice, the groom and I purchased his unity candle at Michael’s. To which the cashier responded with, “That’s okay, we allow that here. It’s Michael’s.”

b. As per my usual, I ripped a hole in the knee of my tux while doing a knee slide to an MJ song (Billy Jean, to be exact).

c. I watched a morbidly obese kid get shoveled into the back of a pick up truck outside of O’Blarney’s after he passed out from drinking.

d. I went home with a bride’s maid.

e. I did NOT throw up on my mother in law’s car on the way home. Yes! Finally proof that I’m not a raging alcoholic.

Well, that’s really all I’ve got right now. I’ll be leaving the Suite to Ronsie for the next two weeks. I’ve assigned him the following homework:

1. Come in to work stumbling-drunk.

2. Make awesomeness happen in the office while I’m out.

3. Get lucky.

4. Have a most radical Fourth of July Weekend, possibly get arrested.

5. Insult a complete stranger.

6. Rent The Onion Movie and write a review on the Suite.

7. Find the new cartoon that Seth McFarlen will be producing only on the Web.

8. Discover a new species of insect in the Pacific Northwest.

9. Wake up one morning in Mexico, with a snake tattoo on his ass and three empty bottles of Tequila next to him.

10. Commit at least five Seattle Clichés. Visiting the observation deck at the Needle counts.

11. Say at least one outrageous thing on a conference call. Example, “oh man, I just laughed so hard I pooped a little.”

12. Find a guest blogger to write on the Suite about how this blog has changed their life, or how it has not changed their life at all.

13. Document all of the above on the Suite.

With that, I bid you all a good day. Talk with you in late July.