Last one out of Hillsboro, burn it to the ground!

In this world there are metropolitan areas, there are suburbs, and there are rural areas. There’s also a little place just outside of Portland that fits none of the above. Yes, there are homes with people living their lives here—going to work, stopping off at the grocery store, sleeping on sleep number mattresses. Yet, something here is different.

I get the sense there’s a lot of Viagra in this town—everyone looks unhappy either because of their lack of pocket change, or… Yes, there’s something about sitting behind a computer all day that just really takes it out of a guy. Don’t get me wrong, the guys aren’t the only unhappy people here.

A note on hotels: This is one of the few places where a hotel can exist entirely by itself. There’s no sundry shop, no Wendy’s, no gas station, no theater, no grocery store. Yep, hotels with their key purpose of housing cubicle dwellers for the evening. Rooms have kitchens for those Dilberts with extended stays, but there’s no freaking grocery stores to fill the refrigerators.

On a side note, when you ask for an ethernet cable to be delivered to your room, you get

Should this town’s sole employer ever decide to pack it up an move to lower-labor-cost countries, please be sure to burn this city down if you’re the last to leave.

I fear for my co-worker's life

Lao says:

Why's he have to be Asian?

Tzu says:

I don't know.. I think it has to do with genetics

Lao says:

Or Kung Fu.

Tzu says:
YES!

Handle-bar stashes are SWEET

J says:
so i wonder if she thought you looked like the guy in your current IM pic
J says:
that would be pretty funny
Bill says:
She did
Bill says:
She thought all my pics have been me.
Bill says:
If only I could grow a stash like that...
J says:
then you would be creepy
Bill says:
yeah...
Bill says:
But I think I could make creepy the new cool.
J says:
i would pretend not to know you while you tried
Bill says:
But then it would work, and you'd be like, "yeah, I've knew that guy before he was creepy." Of course, creepy would then be cool, so it would be like a compliment.
Bill says:
There by making you creepy by association.
J says:
i think i'm already creeped out
Bill says:
We're half way there.

8:23 a.m.

This is zero hour. Right before the clock strikes 8:30, and, inevitably, I must submit to the work day. Sigh... I search Google news, The Onion, The times, anything to dis...phone rings.

I hate Macs. Can I just say that. Yeah, they might be great and all, but they don't work with PCs despite what Apple says. In an office world full of Windows-based PCs, get yourself of PC and save the trouble your causing your fellow co-workers.

Muerta Las Vegas

Vegas sucks ass. I said it.

This place is a hole. If you want to shell out 25 bones for a buffet dinner, hang out with some white trash people who should probably be saving their money instead of pissing it down the toilet, and see countless bachelorettes walking around with their penis veils, then come here. If not, save yourself the time, money and soul that you lose the second you land here.

On a bright note, I am up $360 dollars and actually walked away from the table. High roller five

On a negative note, I walked out of the elevator and saw 4 of my ex girlfriend's sorority sisters... we had some drinks and it was weird.

Elvis was so sick of this place he died. I think Vegas died when the Rat Pack left town... either way, this place is horrible.

Things I Like to Think About

Sometimes I get bored and I start thinking... this often leads to genius ideas (like the business ventures my cohort and I discussed on a flight from San Jose) to downright crazy crap...

This is the latter...

Where the F does a dog that is 1/3 something, 1/3 something else and 1/3 something else come from? Can someone say doggie threesome?
Half-n-half, yeah I get that. But seriously, when it gets down to thirds and quarters, just call the thing a mut and save yourself the time.

Where in the hell do all my socks go?
I buy socks like my roommate buys milk; weekly. Gym socks, dress socks it doesn't matter. I can't keep a damn pair of socks for more than a couple months. I like to think that somewhere Elvis, Biggie, 2Pac and Jimmy Hoffa are walking around, drinks in hand wearing my socks on every part of their body they can.

Women...
Nuf' said.

Why the no smoking lights on the airplanes?
You haven't been able to smoke on an airplane since, what I am guessing, were the early 80s. Maybe the bigger question here is "why am I flying on a plane older than I am and still spending the money I do for a ticket?" for $300 trips to and from SilicoV I better be flying on my own personal plane with lab-altered flight attendants genetically predisposed to love the crap out of me.

OK, that's it'. I'm done.

"I'll kill a snitch. I'm not gonna say I have and I'm not gonna say I haven't, but you know.... whatever." Peyton Manning

Hey, you, boy, come look at watch, good price you buy

-10 RMB
-phsh, no, you pay 460 RMB, you tell me what you pay (put's calulator infront of boy)
(boy types 100)
-No, why you no want me make money. I sell you 300. Good price you buy.
-No, 100. (boy starts to walk away)
-Okay, okay. You name last price, good price (puts calculator in front of boy)
(boy types 110)
(merchants looks at boy with insult) -No, I can't sell that price.
(boy walks away)
-Okay, okay. You name price (merchant gives boy calculator)
(boy types 120)
-No, I sell you 250, low as I can go.
-No thank you (boy glances over at next merchant)
-Okay, okay, 175.
-Okay (boy pulls out RMB.

The cookie

Perfect, round, and sweet. Cookies are very good. Especially when they're used as a business metophore. "make cookies, distribute cookies, reap benifits of distributing cookies..." Although, if you're the Cookie Monster on Family Guy, cookies really aren't that good. Screw you Derick!

Dear Guest,

Tap water is not recommended for drinking.

The hotel will provide you with 2 bottles of complimentary water daily which will be placed in the bathroom. Request for additional mineral water will be charged RMB 10 per bottle. Please note that bottles of water will not carry over.

Please contact Housekeeping at ext 5172 for assistance.

And please remember, your room has complimentary broadband internet access. If you have problems, please consult the complimentary emory board and comb in the bathroom. If that doesn't work, please call the operator. Afterwhich please reconsult with your comb and emory board.

If all else fails, please remember that check out is at 11:00 a.m. We will not provide you with heat in your room. Thank you for staying with us!

Please be sure to use only the best...

And if it takes China's department of Tourism to tell you so, you'd better listen. Granted, it smelled like piss and the soap dispensers were stolen long ago. But none-the-less, it's got a plaque...

light the fires and burn the tires

I chrisen, devirganize, and otherwise bless this blog to be the most awesome, unholy piece of radness on the entire WWW internet and other technical aspects of the earth that I'm otherwise unaware of.

Bill says:

that Weim has a coat so fine he makes Lassie look like a common dog pound skank bitch

Bill says:

I always think I'm going to hear a crunch after those tire squeals

Ted says:

But I bet he's still pimpin Lassie.

Ted says:

I always hunch my shoulders.

Bill says:

huh?

Ted says:

?

Bill says:

oh, when the squeals come

Bill says:

I get it.

Ted says:

Yeah

Bill says:

I wish I was rollin on dubs

Ted says:

Don't we all...

Ted says:

I command the day to END

Bill says:

damn.. it didn't work.

Ted says:

That's what you think

Bill says:

I just don't know it?

Ted says:

I've already left.

Ted says:

The day ends when you leave.

Bill says:

you didn't leave..

Ted says:

That's what you think.

Bill says:

you're just ultra-tricky, like a ninja

Ted says:

Who says I'm not a ninja?

Bill says:

not i

Ted says:

Damn right.

Ted says:

I've got a throwing star that says so too.

Bill says:

I've got a throwing star that says "I break for Egg Rolls"

Ted says:

That's a true sign of a ninja.

Bill says:

that and my nunchuck skills

Ted says:

and bowstaff skills.

Welcome... please wipe your feet

Welcome to the world that is Suite 206. This is a blog for the glorious, glamorous and sometimes downright awesome happenings of Suite 206. Check back for the latest in IM conversations, business ideas and quotes of radness.