Negotiation JuJitSu

I want to negotiate like Shatner. "namsypamsy." That's a dude that can negotiate.

Ode to Thursday

Thursday, 5:19 p.m. Eleven minutes to closing time (the real thing, not the song). Thursday, You're like a love/hate emotion. I have to like you because you mean one thing: tomorrow is Friday. I have to hate you because by the end of Thursday, I'm drained, completely unable to focus or think creatively. Yes, that's why I'm writing this post about you. Thursday, shape it up. Would it kill you to be a little easier on me? Come on, seriously...

I get it, you ride a bike... now get out of my way

Dear Dude on Bike in Arboretum,

Thank you for riding at 5 miles an hour in the middle of the lane during morning rush hour. Thank you for wearing those awesome spandex and for leaving your racing jersey unzipped down to your cleanly waxed chest…

Thank you for passing me at the stop sign as I waited for a chance to pass you on the road and then for again riding at 5mph for the rest of the length from the stop sign to the light at Montlake.

Most of all, thank you for telling your 75 friends to do the exact same thing. I don’t like driving at the normal pace of traffic anyway, it’s too normal.

I love that you’re helping the environment. But seriously, what was the hardest part about being a cyclist? The rigorous training and stuffing your junk into the spandex OR was it explaining to your friends that you’re a gigantic douchebag?

Love,

Guy running over you next time you dart out in front of him

Premier, that's Premier

Yep, that's right. Premier week is here. Long gone are the days of Family Ties, Family Matters, Different Strokes, and all that other sitcom fodder written with mindless dribble and a happy-feel-good ending. Today it's filth, innuendo, sex, and general humor at the expense of others--I couldn't love it more.

How I Met Your Mother started last night, and yes, it was legendary. Two and Half Men also premiered. I find comic value in the simple fact that Mr. Sheen to this day likely eats a breakfast of booze, drugs, and hookers--and somehow seems to be doing pretty well. House will start tonight, with a new cast (we'll see how that works out). And of course, my favorite, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ("Ryan, STAB SOMEBODY!"). All and all, I think this is going to be a strong fall season lineup. There's countless great shows that I haven't mentioned above; these are just a few.

I'll leave you with this, when will the next slap take place? The countdown has begun. MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAAH MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA.