The following cellular phone text transcript was received thanks to the freedom of information act from the records of Steven P. Jobs. It was sent on June 9, 2008.
iSteve: Faceberg you dirty motherfucker, did you just see me rock that keynote like it owed me money? I had Brian Lam eating out of the palm of my hand that little shit. Let's see him talk crap about Apple now. Just wait till I introduce the iPhone 5G (yeah, we're fucking skipping over 4 - 4 is for pussies and Freetards) right before those idiots at Googledy Glop drop their Android BS.
MarkyZ1984: Who is this? IDK who u r.
iSteve: What the fuck are you doing? Why are you typing like it’s AOL in 1998. Aren’t you using the iPhone 3G I sent you last week?
MarkyZ1984: Steve? Is dat u?
iSteve: Yes, Mark. It’s me. I’m texting you from THE iPhone. The one I whipped out of my pocket and slayed the beasts with at the WWDC today. Man, you should have seen those fanboys. Even that tech guy from the Journal, who had seen this thing 2 months ago, sprouted a tiny little old-man hard on.
MarkyZ1984: Shit. Sry man. We’re hammered @ FB.
MarkyZ1984: 8008135. LOLOL.
iSteve: So, that’s why you didn’t call me for our usual post-engagement chat. I see… And, by your continued use of retarded typing, I can only assume you pawned the iPhone 3G, for more money to play the ponies, just like the other 4 iPhones I’ve given you. Correct?
MarkyZ1984: Fucking BigBrown. Lost all my $. I’m sry. : ‘ (
iSteve: You’re a shitshow kid. I’m sending a jet. You, me, Gore and Bono are going to go up to my yurt in the woods and have a good old fasion guys’ weekend. Just sweat, meditation and cactus-derived drugs. It’ll change your whole perspective on things.
MarkyZ1984: Put me down for a 20 sack.
MarkyZ1984: Sry. Wrong person.
iSteve: OK. Pack your shit kid. We’re doing this the hard way. I can’t even get one day off to launch my damn iPhone 3G without having to nanny you or Bill or Gore…
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