Please have a side of humble with that cheesy chicken

Dear Jerkoff in TGIFridays in the Newark Airport,

I'm no jet setter, but I feel very comfortable telling you that you're definitely not a big shot. Let's take a look why:

1. Sure, you're wearing a button up, but it screams Wallmart.
2. Your shirt in no way matches anything else you're wearing.
3. I just watched you tear a new asshole into the poor guy serving you. He was bringing you a refill and accidentally brought you a diet instead of regular (FYI, you could use the diet). He's a waiter at TGIFridays in an airport. Give him a freaking break!
4. You kept giving me the stink eye for queitly working on my Blackberry at the table next to you.

In case you're not getting my point, you're a jerk. Worst of all I bet you know it. I hope you get stuck with a middle seat for your flight.

BTW, I wrote this while sitting next to you. Then I farted next to your table while I was walking out of the airport.