Want some fun facts I picked up in the last four days?

Too bad, I’m going to give them to you anyways.

1. Paris Hilton, I don’t care how well you deliver your “hot” line on My Name is Earl, your hotels F*$#@^! suck. I stayed in my first Hilton the other night. I don’t see what all the buzz is about.
2. Airport bar tenders are probably the most hard working bar tenders. Eat your heart out Flair Champions.
3. The average WWI airplane pilots’ life expectancy was less than 48 hours. Wow!
4. When you hear someone with an English accent saying to another person, “Is he your Robin to your Batman?” you automatically laugh.
5. Death at a Funeral. A brilliant yet under-recognized movie film for home rental.
6. If your child, sitting in front of me while in flight, smells like he shit his pants it’s probably because he did. I don’t care if he’s nearly eight years old, do something about it. It smells like poop in here!
7. Beer. Hmmmmmmmmm, beer.
8. The internet is sort of like that flaky friend you always have throughout your life (note, said friend may change due to flakiness). It craps out on you when you need it most. To you I say good day, Internet. You’d have never become so popular if it wasn’t for all those naked bits, chat rooms, and eBay.
9. There is always one person within 500 feet of you (at any given time) who loves to hear themselves talk. To this person who I bumped into on April 8 at around 10:30 a.m. PDT: stop talking. I don’t care what you do or that you exist. Even if you are really a big deal, you won’t ever be a big deal to me. Please stop talking. You scare me.
10. There are too many un-cool blogs in the world today. There really needs to be some sort of coolness rating for blogs; that way you’ll know what’s worth reading and what’s a pile of horse doo.
11. The internet. I’m still a little mad at you. I suggest you send me an airport bartender wanting to serve me beer. I’ll consider forgiving you.
12. There’s a few too many fuckheads in this world. These assholes will always exist. It’s inevitable. All I’m asking for is a few less of them in my day-to-day.
13. Jesse Ventura, WTF happened to you? You’re making appearances on CNN in nasty sneakers, jeans, a t-shirt, and a blazer. FYI, the blazer can’t hide your gross clothes and homeless-person hair.
14. Toping off the list and 14: San Francisco. “You can do that hear.”