Monday, March 17, 2008

Dear Seattle,

By the time you read this letter I'll be gone.

I've left you for Portland. Yes, Portland. When it came down to it, I just didn't love you anymore. Sure things were great, I mean, you're the largest city in the Northwest, but even that gold old after a while.

You don't even try to spruce yourself up anymore. Look at what PDX is doing (without whiny neo-tards like those in Ballard and Capital Hill crying every time a new condo goes up where a run-down liquor store used to be). I need the newness and the style of life that comes with that.



Your transportation is crap. I went around the entire city of Portland today on a single street car. I even managed to jump off, get a slice and then jump back on to get back to my hotel. When did you ever do something like that for me? Your buses disgust me, so don't even start there.



Your NBA team even thinks you're a POS. It up and moved to OKLAHOMA CITY for chrissakes. That's gotta hurt a bit.

So, Seattle, this is it... Oh yeah, I cheated on you with San Diego too. You never paid attention to me.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ronsie,

I always paid attention to you.

You slut. Don't you ever return to me. You can just stay down there with that whore Portland. I do the best I can with my transportation. At least I don't have an abundance of homeless people with DVD players.

Truth be had, I've been trying to get rid of the Sonics for years. Why do you think I built new stadiums for my other two teams but not the Sonics?

BTW, I heard San Diego has some nasties. There's a reason why we call it a whale's vagina.

Good riddance. I hope you have a nice life with Portland. Just to spite you, I'm going to make my strip clubs better (full contact) and make all your Seattle-based friends win the lotto.

Good bye,
The City of Seattle

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