The Loathing Chronicles: Chapter One.

The ignorant little school girl.

Sin City. Poor sin city. Once an oasis in the desert home to the rat pack and the nation’s tycoons (and that crazy Howard Hughes—I love that guy), we’ve turned this poor, unsuspecting city into a dirty little tramp.

Seriously. Did anyone ever stop to think that maybe Las Vegas didn’t want to become that friend that everyone in high school doesn’t want to associate with after graduation? Maybe Las Vegas would rather not be home to the Bunny Ranch, the ruin of the average American, or the eventual home of the stripper/prostitute that doesn’t what to get busted for turning tricks. Maybe poor little Las Vegas was just that innocent little girl in class that didn’t know any better. They promised her fame, fortune, and all her wildest dreams—then they told her years later she was a dirty little tramp that would forever be associated with sin, filth, and the un-acknowledged desires of the average American.

Poor little Vegas. I can see her now: sitting in the back of class, with a fitting skirt that her mother made (cut to an appropriate length), with a little My Little Pony Lunch pale; completely unsuspecting.

But, inevitably, as most children with troubled childhoods or the inability to know any better, she became what we know her as today: a vile whorebeast that will steal your money, ruin your life, and still leave you wanting more… Sad.

In a side note, for as much as I hate little Las Vegas, I do have a profound respect for this city. This little hole in the wall continues to create more jobs every year (the majority of which are respectable, honest wage paying positions (no pun intended)). It’s recognized as a global tourist destination; although, I’m still confused why the Japanese find this place interesting when Tokyo is probably even more well-lit. And is loved by the average tourist.

In a completely unrelated side note: why are there so many Russian women walking the strip in pairs? Please give me a better explanation than, “they’re looking for husbands.” (Any self-respecting human being knows better than that. And if they don’t, maybe they do belong here.)

In another side note, I need to point out that Wolfgang Puck is a gigantic D-*^%, D-%$@*&^, and complete sell out. What self respecting chef would put their name on horrible rat $%&@ that underpaid airport workers serve out of a microwave? You don’t see Emril, Flay, or Legazzi doing that. What’s going on? Did Puck just want to buy a new house and this was the way to scratch up some extra cash?

But back to little innocent Vegas. She probably never saw it coming.

And by the way, who the hell wants to buy a $1.3 million 689 square foot condo on the Las Vegas strip? That seems to be the latest rage down here. Or at lease that’s what everyone is building and trying to sell. I’m going to say it: Fuck you. You people do this all up and down the west cost. Who the hell is buying these pieces of crap? And if you are, can you really afford them? After all, these aren’t the latest DG hand bags, they’re pieces of property that carry a hefty 30 year mortgage payment. Think about it. Especially if you’re going to buy these crappy little things and ruin the little slut Vegas that everyone seems to love.

One last note. Someone asked me today, "if I was going to get one of those $1,000 hookers." No!...........No! Why the hell would I? First, I don't want a hooker. And even if I did, why the hell would I pay $1,000 for an inevitable STD? The answer seems self-explanatory; but I'll let you be the judge.