- One iPhone
- The latest version. None of this take this and then we'll come out with something better in 2 months bullshit. Hey, Steven P. Jobs, you fucknut. Listen up... no more of this shit. Oh yeah, a mime wrote me an e-mail (because he doesn't talk) and said he wanted his mock turtle neck back. Go fuck yourself.
- 15 minutes alone with Kristen Bell
- I'm not saying I'd need the whole 15, but still...
- World Peace
- I'm not into this for some hippy reason. I think there's money to be made here. What about peace monitors who walk around and make sure everyone is loving each other the exact same? Weapons recycling anyone? Don't steal my ideas.
- A Girlfriend
- I wished for this one last year and got Fd in the A. Santa has some poor taste in women... but I guess when you're surrounded by chicks the size of 3 year olds and an old lady you kind of developed a warped sense. I guess I just always figured the real reason why Santa went around the world was to get some strange ass.
P.S. Hey fat fuck. If you don't get it right this year I'm going to be waiting at the bottom of the chimney next year with a roll of DUCK brand duct tape and a shovel. I think we know where that leads...
No comments:
Post a Comment