I get it, you ride a bike... now get out of my way

Dear Dude on Bike in Arboretum,

Thank you for riding at 5 miles an hour in the middle of the lane during morning rush hour. Thank you for wearing those awesome spandex and for leaving your racing jersey unzipped down to your cleanly waxed chest…

Thank you for passing me at the stop sign as I waited for a chance to pass you on the road and then for again riding at 5mph for the rest of the length from the stop sign to the light at Montlake.

Most of all, thank you for telling your 75 friends to do the exact same thing. I don’t like driving at the normal pace of traffic anyway, it’s too normal.

I love that you’re helping the environment. But seriously, what was the hardest part about being a cyclist? The rigorous training and stuffing your junk into the spandex OR was it explaining to your friends that you’re a gigantic douchebag?

Love,

Guy running over you next time you dart out in front of him