Dear America,
On this, the Fifth of July, I'd like to wish you a belated happy birthday. I would have said something earlier, but I was a little busy trying to avoid all those rednecks who like to celebrate this great day with explosives and other annoying humb-dingers, cat-chasers, and dixie-whistles. I mean come on, do we really need all this noise? People loose fingers, pets, eyes, and only god knows what else on this supposedly majestic day. Why? If I took a bullet in the War of Independence, that would be the last think I would want people doing.
I get it, sort of, you've had a few drinks, you're feeling pretty good. Maybe you even feel invincible. So you decide to blow up your neighbor's mailbox. It was fun last year and got a laugh from your friends. But really...
And America, while I'm at it, who came up with the idea of fireworks anyhow? Yeah, I'm asking a lot of rhetoricals; but isn't that what this country was really founded on? Our founding fathers signed our Declaration with the fact that they would "hang together or hang individually." But they had the patriotic pairs to look to the queen and say, "what are you going to do?" They knew damn well, but they did it anyways.
Well, until next year, America, happy birthday.
Regards,
One of your many citizens
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