An Open Letter to Brad Pitt

Dear Mr. Pitt,

I recently saw an interview with you and your wife. It detailed your philanthropic work with green housing, rebuilding New Orleans, ending poverty, AIDS in Africa, hunger and many others. Your ability to love children and take them into your family shows your willingness to give of yourself.

I think I speak for my fellow men when I say... PISS OFF

You're f***ing it up for the rest of us. Not only are you seemingly God's gift to women and I don't want to know how many times I was with a girl and she was imagining it was you trying feverishly to take off her bra, but you're a nice damn guy too. Come on man. It's not possible for you to get with every girl on the planet, just the hottest ones, so why don't you go ahead and tone it down a bit so the rest of us can get on our way. No one liked the kid in class who had all the answers and always brought brownies. Keep up that shit and you might find yourself getting pummelled by a bunch of middle-aged guys in La Jolla one day...

Sincerely,

John Doe

P.S. I loved Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I've watched it like 30 times. Did you do your own stunts?